Being a very outspoken and opiniated person yet i couldnt ever gather enough courage to openly talk about some shit that i have went through but since past 6 days there’s hype everywhere about mental health issues, being kind to people, blah blah….. a few years back i have had faced mental health issues and i didn’t knew what was wrong with me at that no body knew what was i going through not even me or my family. I have shared about how i overcame all this in one of my posts.
Some questions now arising in your minds would be is
-Was I in depressions?
I don’t know What exactly de
pressions is how it can be defined..
-Do I ever had suicidal thoughts?
lot of times tried once to commit also but didn’thad courage to hurt my family but somewhere i wanted to end my life i hated my life and i was maybe just 16 or 17 years old.
-Did I ever harmed my self?
yes, brutally… used to scratch my arm with blades, scrathed my face with nails alot of times in anger, punch walls so hard that my wrist would swell
-What was the reason?
I really dont know till now i just had a feeling that nobody in this world loved me niether my parents nor my friends i just used to think that i am loved deprived person trying to find love from any living being but not getting that… this feeling was killing me inside when i was probably 16
No i am not here to tell you my so called dukh bhari daastan but here to share my experience with mental illness ye was mentally ill coz i had such stupid things going on in my mind at such young age where i didn’t knew the meaning of life. But as time passed by i realized that i was wrong all my life my mind was just thinking shit everytime and i realized the meaning of this precious life and the importance of family and i realized no problem can ever be bigger than you.
The reason why i felt like writing something was because since past 4 5 days theres a trend going on social which urged me to say my thing. People on whatsapp and instagram are sending me messages that they are there and sending some random phone numbers to call and talk when you want if anyone who is suffering would want to talk they would to wnat to talk to someone close who will understand their pain not some random person and also when someone’s mind with a suicial thought they are not in a position of thinking about talking to someone. If you want to be there for someone first be there for yourselves ask yourself if you genuinely mean to be there for them. Dont be there for everyone but be with the person who is close to you who you love understand them listen to them without judging because you know people suffer depression when they fear something and someone who faces such issues have a biggest fear of being judged…. Stop judging people…. Stop talking shit about them behind their back.
Why I stopped sharing my feelings with anyone was because then people started judging and i too have phobia of being judged and hence I now have stage fear and public speaking issues ;infact they assumes things like Seeing scars on my hand the first question they ask is “Boyfriend Ke Liye”? i was just 16 how can I have a boyfriend “Shadi mai problem hogi” and all…. but to everyone forming judgements my one request to all of you guys is Please stop judging and try to understand what one must be going through try to understand their pain or if you can’t then don’t ask them to talk to you when they feel low…..
A big shoutout to my best friend my soul sister SAKSHI JAIN for being that one constant person in my life who’s been there with me every time i needed an adviser, a listener, mood uplifter or what not without any judgements….
My mom and my sister for supporting me in everything I do or I did without them i couldn’t have been where i am now and
Heartfullness for being the eternal light of my life and changing me and my life into a divine positivity….
And to all those who have hurted me or created troubles for me a big thankyou because
“शिकायत नहिं मुझे पत्थरों से …
बेहतर हुई हुँ मेन ठोकरों से✔️💯”
I know many people are gonna make different judgements about me after reading this and gonna say shit about me behind my back and the same people are gonna ‘more power to you’ on my face But frankly I Don’t Give A Flying F**k coz those people doesn’t matter to me.
I want to sum up all this in a one liner
“LIVE AND LET LIVE”